Gettin' old ain't for sissy's

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Victim drives sleeping rapist to police station

WELLINGTON (Reuters) - A New Zealand rape victim drove her rapist to a police station when he fell asleep in his car after assaulting the woman, local media reported on Wednesday.
Vipul Sharma, 22, was found guilty of abduction and two charges of rape by the Auckland District Court Tuesday, court officials told Reuters Wednesday. The New Zealand newspaper said Sharma met the woman at an Auckland bar in 2006 and later drove her first to a park where he raped her in the back seat of his car. After the attack Sharma allowed the woman to drive and fell asleep in the passenger seat, so the woman drove him to Auckland Central police station where he was arrested, said the newspaper. "She showed a lot of bravery and common sense. I have nothing but respect for what she has endured," police detective Simon Welsh told the newspaper.

HUH! Boy's Pitches Deemed Too Fast

NEW HAVEN, Conn. - Nine-year-old Jericho Scott is a good baseball player - too good, it turns out. The right-hander has a fastball that tops out at about 40 mph. He throws so hard that the Youth Baseball League of New Haven told his coach that the boy could not pitch any more. When Jericho took the mound anyway last week, the opposing team forfeited the game, packed its gear and left, his coach said.

Officials for the three-year-old league, which has eight teams and about 100 players, said they will disband Jericho's team, redistributing its players among other squads, and offered to refund $50 sign-up fees to anyone who asks. They said Jericho's coach, Wilfred Vidro, has resigned.
But Vidro said he didn't quit and the team refuses to disband. Players and parents held a protest at the league's field Saturday, urging the league to let Jericho pitch.

"He's never hurt anyone," Vidro said. "He's on target all the time. How can you punish a kid for being too good?" "I feel sad," he said. "I feel like it's all my fault nobody could play." Jericho's coach and parents said the boy is being unfairly targeted because he turned down an invitation to join the defending league champion, which is sponsored by an employer of one of the league's administrators. Jericho instead joined a team sponsored by Will Power Fitness.

The team was 8-0 and on its way to the playoffs when Jericho was banned from pitching.
"I think it's discouraging when you're telling a 9-year-old you're too good at something," said his mother, Nicole Scott. "The whole objective in life is to find something you're good at and stick with it. I'd rather he spend all his time on the baseball field than idolizing someone standing on the street corner." League attorney Peter Noble said the only factor in banning Jericho from the mound is his pitches are just too fast. "He is a very skilled player, a very hard thrower," Noble said. "There are a lot of beginners. This is not a high-powered league. This is a developmental league whose main purpose is to promote the sport."

League officials said they first told Vidro the boy could not pitch after a game Aug. 13. Jericho played second base at the next game Aug. 16, but when he took the mound Wednesday, the other team walked off and a forfeit was called. League officials said Jericho's mother became irate, threatening them and vowing to get the league shut down. "I have never seen behavior of a parent like the behavior Jericho's mother exhibited Wednesday night," Noble said. Scott denied threatening anyone but said she did call the police. League officials suggested that Jericho play other positions or pitch against older players or in a different league. Local attorney John Williams was planning to meet with Jericho's parents Monday to discuss legal options.
"You don't have to be learned in the law to know in your heart that it's wrong," he said. "Now you have to be punished because you excel at something?"

She should not be travelling alone

An elderly woman misunderstood instructions while checking in at Sweden's main airport and was whisked down a baggage shoot after she placed herself instead of her luggage on the belt, media reported Wednesday. The 78-year-old woman, who was not named, was preparing to fly from Stockholm's Arlanda airport to Germany on Tuesday when she lay down on an unmanned baggage belt in the belief she was following check-in instructions, the Upsala Nya Tidning local daily reported on its website. She was quickly swept off to the baggage handling centre, where staff members helped get her back on her feet. The woman suffered no serious injury and caught her flight as planned.

Revellers paint Spanish town red in annual tomato fight

Tens of thousands of people from around the world hurled tons of ripe tomatoes at each other Wednesday in an annual food fight that leaves the eastern Spanish town of Bunol covered in red juice. A rocket fired from the town hall was the cue for start of the event for which local authorities provided 120 tons of tomatoes.

Many revellers, including many from Britain, France, Germany, Russia and Asia, wore hard hats, goggles or protective plastic sheets. Shopkeepers put up huge plastic covers on their storefronts to protect their properties from the sea of red mush. An estimated 40,000 people took part in the event this year, more than four times the population of the town located in a fertile region some 40 kilometres (25 miles) north of the coastal city of Valencia, Spain's third-largest city.
Spain's Olympic men's water polo team, which finished in fifth place at the Games in China, were among the participants, according to the town council.

After a battle lasting about one hour, municipal workers and local residents used giant hoses to clear the streets of tomato pulp. The participants meanwhile headed to a nearby river where hundreds of temporary showers were set up. The "Tomatina" is held each year on the last Wednesday in August. The origins of the event are unclear although it is thought to have its roots in a food fight between childhood friends in the mid-1940s in Bunol.

Border agents find pot in entertainment centers

NACO, Ariz. (AP) - Some furniture inspected by customs agents at the Arizona-Mexico border gives new meaning to the term "entertainment centers"—they were allegedly used to hide $2.7 million worth of marijuana. U.S. Customs and Border Protection spokesman Brian Levin says officers at the Naco (NAH'-ko) port of entry in southeastern Arizona got suspicious Tuesday after interviewing the truck driver hauling the wooden entertainment centers and examining the driver's paperwork. Over several hours, officers disassembled the furniture and found the marijuana, which weighed about 1,600 pounds. The truck driver was arrested and turned over to immigration authorities.

Japanese team on yeti quest in Nepal

A team of Japanese adventurers hope to prove the existence of the mysterious yeti in Nepal's mountains, focusing on an area they are convinced is home to the legendary creature. Tales of a huge half-man-half-ape roaming the high Himalayas are as old as the hills, and local Sherpa stories about the hairy giant have gripped the imaginations of Western adventurers and mountaineers for decades.

Takahashi Yoshiteru, 65, and six other Japanese team members are trekking to Dhaulagiri IV, a 7,661-metre (25,135-foot) peak where they say they have seen traces of the beast on past trips in 1994 and 2003. "They are going to the same area where I saw the silhouette of a yeti in 2003," expedition spokeswoman Nobuko Koyama told AFP Friday. They set off from Kathmandu on Thursday.

The expedition members will spend six weeks on the peak and will set up six infra-red camera traps on the mountain 220 kilometres (137 miles) northwest of Kathmandu. The exploration team is known as the Yeti Project Japan and is being sponsored by Japanese beverage maker Suntory and a leading Japanese daily newspaper, Asahi Shimbum. The cameras will be automatically triggered if any large animals pass, the spokeswoman said. "Takahashi is not interested in capturing a yeti, he just wants to get a clear picture of it, and maybe shake its hand," said Koyama.

Obama's Running Mate

Fetus Declared Dead Found Alive 5 Hours Later in Hospital Morgue

A couple from Kafr Yasif in the Galilee received the shock of their lives Monday when the wife's miscarried 610- gram fetus, which had been declared dead five hours earlier, was found to be breathing. The baby girl, born during the 23rd week of gestation, still has an uncertain future. Hospital spokesman Ziv Farber said that any premature infant of that weight and age had only a 10 percent chance for survival. But five years ago, he added, "we had a baby weighing only 580 grams, and she survived." The 26-year-old mother and her husband have a five- year-old son at home. When she gave birth after going into premature labor at the hospital, the doctor on the scene pronounced it dead and it was taken to the morgue. The father, Ali Majdub, told Channel 2 that his wife realized the child was alive after asking to see her dead daughter one last time.
"When we unwrapped the baby to see her, she realized it was moving. I began screaming and ran with it toward the doctors," he said. She was then rushed to the neonatal intensive care unit, where doctors are fighting for her life.

61-year-old woman gives birth in Japan

TOKYO (AP) - A 61-year-old Japanese woman gave birth to her own grandchild, using an egg donated by her daughter, a clinic said Thursday. Surrogate births are extremely rare in Japan and banned by industry groups, but they are not illegal. The Suwa Maternity Clinic in Nagano, northwest of Tokyo, refused to provide information such as the date of the birth or gender of the baby. News reports said the baby was born last year.

The clinic said it performed the procedure because the woman's daughter has no uterus, but didn't give details on why she had that condition. The surrogate mother used a fertilized egg donated by her daughter. "Both surrogate mother and baby were fine," said Chihiro Netsu, a spokeswoman for the clinic.

Angel the dog credited with saving kittens

RENO, Nev. (AP) - You've heard of man bites dog. What about, dog saves cats? A two-year-old dog that had been turned over to the Nevada Humane Society's shelter in Reno is being credited with rescuing six abandoned kittens. Shelter Director Diane Blankenburg said it happened Monday while the two-year-old Boxer/Pit Bull mix named Angel was on a walk with a pair of volunteers, Frank Gomez and his 9-year-old stepson, Joel Fontes. They were walking on the hot day with temperatures in the 90s when the dog became obsessed with something in the bushes. When she refused to move on, Gomez investigated and discovered a box full of 3-week-old orange tabby kittens that were frightened and hungry. One of the abandoned kittens escaped before shelter staff were summoned to the scene, but Angel tracked it down and Gomez handed it over to safety.

Trail of Cheetos leads to snack thieves in Minn.

ST. PAUL, Minn. - An orange trail of Cheetos led St. Paul, Minn. police to three teenagers suspected of burglarizing a vending machine. Officers were called to the Arlington Recreation Center on July 29, where they found a vending machine's glass had been broken with a chair. Most of the candy and chips were missing, according to a criminal complaint. The officers followed a trail of snack debris from the rec centre, around the side of the building and to a nearby home. Inside, they found numerous vending-sized bags of Cheetos and other snacks.
Police arrested three males aged 17, 18 and 19 who soon arrived at the home by car. The two adults are charged with third-degree burglary; the 17-year-old is charged with criminal damage to property.

Tenn. constable wins election by 1 vote _ her own

SNEEDVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - All it takes is one vote to win. Just ask a Tennessee woman who was elected constable by voting for herself. Angela Tuttle, 32, said her father encouraged her to run as a write-in candidate because no one else was vying for one of the positions in Hancock County, which is in northeastern Tennessee. Tuttle said her husband initially didn't even realize she was running. "I finally told him about a month before the election," she told The Associated Press on Friday. Her husband didn't think she would win, but now he "just grins at her," she said.
Hancock County election officials said 131 voters of the 674 registered in the 3rd District voted Thursday. Tuttle's vote was the only one cast in the constable race. She will be sworn in Dec. 1.
The certified nursing assistant and mother of a 10-year-old son will help serve warrants and patrol neighborhoods in her district. She said her father, a longtime constable who won his own re-election in another district, will "show her the ropes."

Couple's pumpkin sets SC record at 897 pounds

COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) - It's a big pumpkin. A Lexington County couple's pumpkin has broken the state record. Frank and Tina Finders' pumpkin tipped the scales at the State Farmer's Market Friday at 897 pounds. That's the equivalent of two Siberian male tigers or about 9 old truck tires. The couple told The State newspaper they grew the vegetable organically in an Arcadia Lakes garden. They plan to sell the pumpkin, but hope to harvest the seeds and try again next year for another record. The previous state record set in 2006 was 737 pounds

Alleged thief stuck under trash bin for 12 hours

DILLON, S.C. (AP) - A suspected thief trying to steal $10 worth of copper got himself into a stinky situation when he was trapped under a trash bin at a county landfill for 12 hours, sheriff's deputies said.

Deputies said Gibson Cook, 56, broke into the landfill, then got stuck as he tried to crawl under the large container. Landfill workers found him about 12 hours later with his legs sticking out from under the bin. Emergency workers had to inflate air bags so they could lift the bin to free him.

Cook was charged with trespassing and petit larceny, deputy Wayne Kirby said. He was waiting for a bond hearing and it was unclear if he had an attorney.

"He's one of our local petty thieves," Kirby said. "But he has never been in a jam like this."
Break-ins at the landfill in Dillon, a town of about 6,400 people in the northeast corner of the state near the North Carolina line, have increased in recent months as thieves look for discarded scrap metal. But employee Charlie Brown said that in 27 years at the dump, this is the first time he's seen anyone get stuck. He said the copper under the trash bin could not have been worth more than $10.

China to censor Internet during Games: official

China will censor the Internet used by foreign media during the Olympics, an organising committee official confirmed Wednesday, reversing a pledge to offer complete media freedom at the games. "During the Olympic Games we will provide sufficient access to the Internet for reporters," said Sun Weide, spokesman for the organising committee. He confirmed, however, that journalists would not be able to access information or websites connected to the Falungong spiritual movement which is banned in China. Other sites were also unavailable to journalists, he said, without specifying which ones.

This Coffee Shop's Restroom Policy Is Extremely Subtle

Man Sets Himself On Fire At Rent-A-Center

Man Sets Himself On Fire At Rent-A-Center After Receiving Too Many Late Payment Notices
There are lots of good ways to escalate your complaints. Going to the store, dousing yourself with lighter fluid and setting yourself on fire is not one of them. Unfortunately, that's exactly what one Newark, NJ man did after becoming frustrated with the amount of late payment notices and collection calls he was receiving from Rent-A-Center. "He basically pulled out a bottle of lighter fluid, poured it all over his body, pulled out a cigarette lighter and lit himself on fire," Bloomfield Police Capt. Chris Goul said.

The man, 62-year-old Emilio Saladriagas, entered the Bloomfield Rent-A-Center location and asked to speak to a supervisor about the late payment notices and collection calls, says the Star-Ledger. When a manager was not available, he pulled out the lighter fluid. Employees doused him with water and he is now in stable condition at the burn unit of a local hospital. He has not been charged with a crime because he did not make "overt or criminal" actions to harm anyone but himself, according to police. The employees are receiving counseling.

Long-Lasting Jetpack Unveiled at Air Show

Fly the dream, baby. That's the slogan, more or less, of New Zealand's Martin Jetpack company, which debuted its $100,000 personal flight apparatus Tuesday at the Experimental Aircraft Association AirVenture show in Oshkosh, Wis.
As thousands looked on, inventor Glenn Martin's 16-year-old son donned a helmet, fastened himself to a prototype and revved the engine, which sounded like a motorcycle.
Harrison Martin eased about three feet off the ground, the engine roaring with a whine so loud that some kids covered their ears.
With two spotters preventing the jet pack from drifting in a mild wind, the teenager hovered for 45 seconds and then set the device down as the audience applauded. "Wow, that went better than expected," Glenn Martin said afterward. "People will look back on this as a moment in history."

The imposing machine, technically an ultralight aircraft, weighs 250 pounds and doesn't exactly clip onto the user's back. Rather, you strap yourself into it, and both and the machine are supported by a pogo-stick-like stand. Nor is it quite a jetpack, despite the company's name.
The 200-horsepower gasoline engine powers two high-powered downward-thrusting propellers, enclosed in airflow-focusing cowlings, that push the craft and its rider off the ground.
That's possibly the most groundbreaking aspect of the Martin. The Martin's more conventional propulsion give it much longer staying power -- a whopping 30 minutes in the air, far longer than any of its rivals.

In theory, it can fly an average-sized pilot about 30 miles on a full 5-gallon tank of gas. And as long as the FAA classifies it as an ultralight, American owners won't need a pilot's license.
But don't expect to see commuters rushing to work by air instead of land. Ultralights can't be operated over congested areas, according to FAA regulations, and are to be used "exclusively for sport or recreational purpose."

That's fine, Martin said. He predicts the jet packs will start out as toys for the wealthy.
Then, as law enforcement officials become more familiar with them, Martin envisions jet packs used by the military, border-patrol officials and search-and-rescue teams. His white jet pack with black trim stands on a brick-sized base with two legs sprawled behind it. The pilot steps backward into the straps of a shoulder harness, his shoulder blades resting against two wide upward-facing fans that provide the thrust. There's an emergency parachute that's effective above about 400 feet, and an impact-absorbing undercarriage that can soften a rough landing or short fall, Martin said. He's still refining the safety features for those heights in between.
"A lot of it comes down to how do you fly, at what speed, at what angle," he said. Like Kent Couch, the Oregon man who flew 235 miles earlier this month with 150 helium balloons attached to his lawn chair, Martin always wanted to soar through the air. He quit his job as a pharmaceutical sales rep to launch his jet-pack company.

Holy hooligans! Phony 'Joker' arrested in Michigan

THREE RIVERS, Mich. (AP) - Police in Michigan have arrested a man who they say tried to steal posters and other items related to the new Batman movie from a cinema lobby while dressed up as the Joker. Detective Mike Mohney said Monday 20-year-old Spencer Taylor of Three Rivers has been booked for investigation of larceny and malicious destruction of property.
Taylor is scheduled to be arraigned Aug. 5 in St. Joseph County District Court. There is no telephone listing under his name in the Three Rivers area. Mohney says officers who were dispatched early Sunday to the theater arrived to find employees restraining a man wearing a purple suit, a green wig and face paint in the style of Batman's nemesis in "The Dark Knight."

Lost letter makes its way back home to Kansas, 60 years later

LAWRENCE, Kan. - A letter that was lost in the U.S. postal system for nearly 60 years recently turned up in the mailbox of a Kansas woman. Xan Wedel found the letter, postmarked November 11, 1948, in her mailbox Friday. The envelope was stamped with "Return to sender" and "Found in supposedly empty mailbox." The letter was addressed to a Ruth Willisten in Rockfall, Connecticut, but it never reached its destination. It was sent by Gertrude Gilmore, who lived at Wedel's house in Lawrence, Kansas, in 1948. The letter states, "All Lawrence is in mourning since the election," during which Harry S. Truman beat Thomas E. Dewey for the presidency of the United States. The election would have taken place just days before the letter was postmarked. Gilmore also talks about her new Westinghouse electric refrigerator and the new pastor at Plymouth Congregational Church. Wedel said she thinks the Gilmore family built her home in 1890 and that Gertrude was one of their daughters. "It's impossible to really know what may or may not have happened," said Lawrence Postmaster Judy Raney. "No matter what, we always take it and go ahead and send it on." Wedel said she is preserving the letter. She photographed the envelope and four-page letter and scanned them into her computer. She said she now has interest in the family who built the home she's lived in for nearly four years.
"It would be really interesting to see if they are still in town or have any descendants that would know the history behind her and who she was writing," Wedel said.

Polish Paramedics

Man, 66, records 2 holes-in-one in same round

GAYLORD, Mich. (AP) - For somebody who'd been playing golf 50 years and never had a hole-in-one, Bob Hickey got the hang of it quickly. The 66-year-old Grayling man used a 7-iron to card his first-ever ace Thursday on the 167-yard 10th hole at Marsh Ridge in Gaylord. Then Hickey used an 8-iron to ace the 147-yard 17th hole. According to a 2000 Golf Digest article cited by the Traverse City Record-Eagle, the odds of one player making two holes-in-one during the same round are 67 million to 1. Hickey, who finished at 2-over-par 74, says he'd made two eagles but never came close to a hole-in-one before Thursday. The long-haul trucker says he thinks he benefited from "just pure luck."
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Labrador 'runs' for mayor of Fairhope, Alaska

FAIRHOPE, Ala. (AP) - One of the candidates in the race to become Fairhope's next mayor is considerably more hairy than the rest. He also has twice as many legs and a constantly wagging tail. Wille Bean Roscoe P. Coltrane is a 7-year-old yellow Labrador retriever whose owner has taken a satirical poke at politics by launching the pooch into the race. But Willie Bean may not be up for that rough-and-tumble world.

"When a little dog barks at him, he cringes and he runs away," owner Tress Turner told the Press-Register in a story Sunday. Turner, 43, manages The Coffee Loft, which is also the dog's campaign headquarters where supporters can purchase T-shirts and yard signs. Some of his supporters say all the politicking, name-dropping and sign-maneuvering in the seven-man Fairhope mayoral race is wearing on them weeks ahead of the Aug. 26 election. "I think he polishes up the field," said Vince Kilborn, 66, of Fairhope. "We need new blood."

Kilborn, former Gov. Don Siegelman's chief attorney in his ongoing criminal corruption case, added about the dog: "He doesn't have any skeletons in his closet. He's eaten them all."
The dog's campaign began when a mayoral candidate placed a campaign sign on property that bordered the politically-neutral coffee shop about three weeks ago. Turner told the candidate about her wish to remain out of the race, but he had permission from the neighboring property owner and the sign remained for a few days. "Then, sure enough, customers started pulling in the parking lot and giving us a hard time," Turner said.

The owner of the coffee shop taped a sign to the door saying The Coffee Loft did not endorse the candidate. "It turned into just people laughing and joking and playing. And I was, like, 'You know what? We are going to let Willie Bean run for mayor,'" Turner said. Willie Bean doesn't have a realistic shot at being Fairhope's next mayor since the July 15 qualifying deadline has passed. Still, other dogs have held office. In 2004, Rabbit Hash, Ky., elected Junior Cochran, a black Lab, as mayor. It was the second canine elected to lead the small Northern Kentucky town, according to the town's Web site. The first was a mutt named Goofy Borneman, according to Laurie Lamblin, a resident and employee of the town's historic general store.

Julie Ford, a volunteer at The Haven, Fairhope's no-kill animal shelter, said Willie Bean is setting his sights too low. "I think he should run for president," the 61-year-old Ford said after stopping by the coffee shop.

UPS driver gets special, final delivery

CRYSTAL LAKE, Ill.—Jeff Hornagold loved being a UPS driver. So when the suburban Chicago man died this week of lung cancer, longtime co-worker Michael McGowan agreed to take him on one last delivery. McGowan transported Hornagold's body from Davenport Family Funeral Home to Saturday's funeral services in his UPS truck. McGowan says he plans to keep a picture of Hornagold in his truck until he retires so that they can keep riding together. Hornagold was a UPS driver for 20 years, and his wife Judy Hornagold described him as "just the happiest UPS man alive." She says the special delivery was the perfect tribute.

Boy breaks canine tooth biting vicious dog

SAO PAULO (Reuters) - An 11-year-old boy is enjoying a flash of fame in Brazil after biting a pitbull that attacked him as he played in his uncle's back yard, local media reported on Thursday. Gabriel Almeida, who lives on the outskirts of Belo Horizonte in the state of Minas Gerais, broke a canine tooth when he bit into the dog's neck to fend off an attack. Since then, he has been pampered in the studios of several TV stations, where he has been recounting his ordeal. "I grabbed him by the neck and bit," he told O Globo newspaper. "It's no big deal. It's better to lose a tooth than to lose your life." He was freed when bystanders pulled the dog off him and needed four stitches in his arm.

Oops! Wrong Larry shown on Idaho campaign buttons

LEWISTON, Idaho—Some Democratic campaign buttons made for distribution in Idaho show an unlikely pair: Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama and Republican Sen. Larry Craig.

But don't expect the staunch Republican to throw his support behind Obama or for the presidential candidate to ask Craig to change his mind and run for Senate again. Apparently the button manufacturer picked a picture of the wrong Idaho Larry. The 3-inch button by Tigereye Design was intended to show Obama beside Larry LaRocco, the Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate, the Lewiston Tribune reported.

Craig is not seeking re-election following his arrest in a Minnesota airport restroom sex sting.
The buttons weren't ordered by the LaRocco campaign, said Dean Ferguson, LaRocco's communications director. They appear to have been produced by a commercial firm that makes campaign memorabilia involving Democratic races around the country, he said. "That sounds like it's going to be a collector's item," Ferguson said. "I'm sure Sen. Obama appreciates Sen. Craig's support." Bill Hall, editor emeritus of the Tribune's editorial page, said he bought 10 from the company's Web site before they were withdrawn and fixed. The Obama-Craig buttons are no longer available for purchase.

"I realized it was a mistake, like finding a coin that's been damaged in the making, so I quickly ordered 10 of them," Hall said. Neither officials with Tigereye Design nor Craig's office could immediately be reached for comment Sunday.

Fla. woman attacked by fox, then shot in the leg

MORRISTON, Fla. (AP) - Authorities say a Levy County man accidentally shot his wife while trying to hit a fox that had attacked her. The couple told deputies they had spotted an animal in their yard Friday morning and went outside to see what it was. The fox bit the woman on the left leg and wouldn't let go, so she told her husband to get a gun. The man fired a .22-caliber rifle seven times, killing the animal but also hitting his wife in the lower right leg. The woman was taken to a nearby hospital for treatment. The dead fox will be tested for rabies, but authorities say the results won't be available until next week.

Teacher lasts 20 hours on carnival ride, wins $1K

BLOOMINGTON, Minn. (AP) - A Minnesota high school teacher has lasted 20 hours on a carnival ride to win the Ride the Tide Challenge at the Mall of America. Forty-year-old Jim Salava (suh-LAH'-vuh), of Oakdale, was declared the winner at the Nickelodeon Universe theme park when his final opponent stepped down at 2:35 a.m. Tuesday. Salava was among 10 riders who boarded the Avatar Airbender at 6:30 a.m. Monday. The pool dwindled to three riders just three hours into the competition. The Avatar Airbender averages 43 mph and reaches heights of 70 feet. Other than bathroom and meal breaks, contestants remained on the ride at all times—even to sleep. The top prize includes a family cruise, $1,000 spending cash and a lifetime pass to the theme park.

'Penguins' trigger air-sea rescue off Scotland

Two balloons shaped like penguins sparked a major air and sea search when they were mistaken for a crashed microlight, Scottish coastguards said Wednesday. Three coastguard teams, a lifeboat and a Royal Air Force helicopter were scrambled after a member of the public reported seeing what he thought was a downed aircraft off the coast of Aberdeenshire, northeast Scotland. "We sent the teams out to look for it but all they found was two penguin balloons," said watch officer Anne Young, from Aberdeen Coastguard. "Goodness only knows where they came from." The sheen from the three-foot (0.9-metre) long inflatables was blamed for the confusion, she added.

Climate protester tries to glue himself to British PM

A climate change protester unsuccessfully tried to superglue himself to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown at an event in the leader's residence, a government spokesman said Tuesday.
Dan Glass, a 24-year-old member of Plane Stupid, which campaigns against airport expansion, tried to attach himself to Brown's suit as he was about to shake hands with the premier at his Downing Street residence. Glass, who had been invited to the event held to recognise the British voluntary sector, asked Brown why the government was ignoring public objections to the construction of a third runway at London's Heathrow Airport. Brown can be heard laughing as Glass began his demonstration, in an audio recording of the protest. Glass assured the prime minister he was carrying out a "non-violent protest" and told Brown that "we cannot shake away climate change like you can just shake away my arm." "We can beat climate change, but this is not going to happen by planning the world's largest international airport at Heathrow," he added. "As far as we are concerned, nothing really happened," a Downing Street spokesman said.
"There was a light-hearted and not particularly successful demonstration at a reception that was being hosted at Downing Street." A Scotland Yard spokesman said no police action was taken against anyone related to the attempted protest.

Man finds second long python in Maine in a week

LEWISTON, Maine (AP) - A man is having trouble sleeping since he found a python snake about 9 feet long under the engine of his pickup truck. Harley Burgess's shocking discovery Saturday is the second of its kind in less than a week in Maine. Last Wednesday, a Gorham woman found an 8-foot snake, also identified as a reticulated python, in the washing machine. In Wilton, Burgess says he's still shaking when he thinks of the python found under his truck. He's had nightmares about the snake getting his grandson, who was with him the day the python was discovered.
Burgess has been searching for clues as to how the snake got loose in his truck. Reticulated pythons are illegal in Maine without a permit.

Dumb Ass Hall of Fame #8

Underwear chicken dare puts man in hospital
SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man's dare went horribly wrong when he tried to play chicken with cars on a freeway wearing only his underwear. The 18 year old was critically injured after being hit by a four-wheel drive on a freeway in the southern city of Melbourne in the early hours of Wednesday, police said in a statement. "Police are dismayed at the utter stupidity of a man who decided to play chicken on the Tullamarine Freeway," the statement said. "It was lucky nobody was killed as a result and police couldn't believe anybody would be foolish enough to take such grave risks with their personal safety and that of other road users." The driver and passenger in the car were unhurt, though the vehicle was a write-off.

Doctors pull screws, nails from metal-eating man

LIMA (Reuters) - Doctors in a coastal town in northwestern Peru have rescued the innards of a 38-year-old man by removing 17 metal objects -- among them nails, a watch clasp and a knife -- that he ate. Luis Zarate was taken to the regional hospital of Trujillo earlier this week by his family after complaining of sharp stomach pains. Doctors took X-rays of his chest that showed his insides littered with screws. "There were 17 strange objects found at the level of his stomach and colon," said Dr. Julio Acevedo, one of the surgeons who operated on Zarate. The black-and-white scans showed Zarate's skeleton interlaced with things like bolts, barbed-wire and pens.
"The objects had caused the stomach to expand," said Acevedo. Doctors said Zarate was mentally ill but it was not clear why he ate the metal.

Russian town puts breasts on a pedestal

A Russian town plans to unveil a monument that shows a man's hand gripping a nubile female breast, which officials say will bring "family happiness" to men who touch it, Russian media reported. The monument will be opened to the public Saturday in Bataisk, a town of about 100,000 in the Rostov region of southern Russia, a spokesman for the Bataisk administration told the Interfax news agency. "A bas-relief of a female silhouette has been made on a metal plate, with a man's hand on the breast. It is believed that if a man touches this bust, he will gain family happiness," the spokesman said. Sculptor Anatoly Sknarin was inspired by a similar sculpture he saw in the red-light district of Amsterdam, the Moskovsky Komsomolets daily newspaper reported.

Erotic pole dancer perks up metro commute in Chile

A pole dancer who took her writhing spins where they had never been -- onto a pole inside a subway car -- perked up the morning commute before her underground career was cut tragically short. Monserrat Morilles, 26, for the past few days had been walking into a subway car dressed in a leather coat and black boots, then start slowly stripping in front of surprised and then enthralled commuters in Chile's capital.

But her desire to share, perhaps too much, was unceremoniously squelched Thursday when 15 security guards stopped her shimmying and wrestled her out of the metro where she was promptly arrested. "I think it's amazing that they are using all this security against someone who never hurt anyone when there are plenty of people who are attacked in the metro," Morilles told AFP. She added that none of the metro riders had pressed charges against her. Morilles had given commuters a free pole-dancing show for several days, stripping down to her bra and panties, before being pulled from her mass transit show.

Wingnuts manager suspended over tirade with ump

Sensing his team needed a kick in the pants, Wichita Wingnuts manager Kash Beauchamp set out to get ejected on purpose. He even told his pitching coach to get ready. Beauchamp held true to his word, but took it a little too far, letting loose a spit-flying, shoe-slamming, armpit-showing tirade that left him standing on the field in his red socks and earned him a four-game suspension.

"I regret it, I really do," Beauchamp said Friday after the independent American Association handed down the suspension. "I don't regret getting ejected and I don't regret trying to fire up my team, but I think I went too far, there's no doubt about it." Beauchamp's meltdown came in the nightcap of a doubleheader against Sioux Falls in Kansas.

The Wingnuts had lost a blowout to the Canaries in the series opener, followed by a disheartening 2-1 loss in the first game of the doubleheader. Believing his team was still flat, Beauchamp warned pitching coach Luke Robertson that he was probably going to get ejected on the next bad call in an effort to bring some life to his players. He followed through after a check-swing call by plate umpire Blake Felix in the second inning, throwing down his hat and letting loose a flurry of expletives as he charged from the third-base coaching box.

Beauchamp then went nose-to-nose with Felix at the plate, bobbing his head around like some kind of pregame giveaway as he argued. "Looking back at the video, I didn't realize my head was bouncing around like that," he said. "I'm lucky I didn't dislocate my freakin' neck."
But the bobblehead move was only the beginning. After kicking dirt around the plate, Beauchamp ripped off his shoe and waved it in front of Felix, then pulled back his sleeve and stuck his armpit in the umpire's face—two gestures meant to tell Felix that he stinks. The mostly one-sided argument continued with Beauchamp accidentally kicking off his other shoe, leaving him to dance around in red stocking socks, then throwing his chewing tobacco to the ground.

"I did not spit like Roberto Alomar—it was nothing even remotely close to what Roberto Alomar did—but in talking some of it (the chew) flew out and hit him in the face," Beauchamp said. "When I saw that, I backed off and took my dip out. That was probably the only moment of sanity I really had because I wouldn't spit on my worst enemy." It didn't slow him down, though. Beauchamp picked up his second shoe and slammed it to the turf, then went into the Wingnuts' dugout and fished out a batting doughnut from a bag, pairing it with another to make a mock pair of eyeglasses before slamming both weights down. After more than a minute of rage, Beauchamp started to wind down. He retrieved his hat from near the coach's box, then shouted a few more choice words at Felix as he walked toward the dugout.

Beauchamp, still walking around in his red socks, waited momentarily at the rail for a bat boy to bring his shoes, then finally walked off the field. "I just kind of melted down right there," Beauchamp said. "I just thought I could get the club fired up, but obviously looking at the tape, it definitely went further than I wanted it to go. I lost my focus, I lost my cool and I did some things I regret." One reason Beauchamp took it a little too far was his emotional state. He spent the previous night and most of that morning in a Tulsa, Okla., hospital with his 94-year-old grandmother, who was gravely ill. Beauchamp struggled with the death of his father, Jim, a former Atlanta Braves coach, this past Christmas and had a hard time seeing his grandmother in so much pain.

"It was just one of those days when I was emotionally raw to begin with," he said. "Then to lose a game like that to a team that had dominated us pretty much all season, it was just a really frustrating situation." At least Beauchamp's original intention worked: Wichita beat Sioux Falls 5-2. But now the manager won't be eligible to return to the field until Tuesday at the start of a three-game series in Fort Worth, Texas, and he'll have to pay an undisclosed fine. The tirade was similar to one made by Mississippi Braves manager Phillip Wellman last season that was widely circulated on the Internet. During his wild tantrum, Wellman piled dirt on home plate, pulled up a base and chucked it across the field, then pantomimed a military crawl to the edge of pitcher's mound, where he picked up the rosin bag and pretended it was a grenade. The Atlanta Braves suspended Wellman for three games. They brought him back this season to run the Double-A affiliate.

Chatty burglar overstays welcome, gets arrested

WINNSBORO, Texas (AP) - An apparently intoxicated suspect chatted with a burglary victim long enough for officers to arrive and arrest him, authorities said. John Michael Baker, 25, of Winnsboro was jailed Friday on bond totaling $59,500, the Wood County Sheriff's Office said.

Baker was charged with burglary of a habitation and burglary of a vehicle. He was also wanted and charged in Franklin County with being a felon in possession of a firearm, possession of marijuana and burglary of habitation, a jailer told The Associated Press. Jail records did not list an attorney for Baker.

Sheriff's Chief Deputy Debbie Foster said a woman saw a man breaking into her home, and she called her husband. The husband hurried home and saw Baker making his getaway. He called 911 before heading over to talk to the suspect, whom he knows. The men chatted by the side of the road until deputies arrived. Foster told the Tyler Morning Telegraph that Baker was "pretty intoxicated."

Roller skating girls give chase in Louisiana's version of famed bull run

NEW ORLEANS - It's the running of the bulls, New Orleans style.
Hundreds of men, women and children, most in white with red scarves around their waists and red bandannas around their necks, gathered outside a French Quarter bar Saturday morning to be chased down Bourbon Street by members of New Orleans' roller derby league. "Roller skates and a stampede through the Quarter - what could possibly go wrong?" said accountant Jason Medonia.

The run, in its second year, featured 33 roller girls in horned helmets from teams with names like Confederacy of Punches and Crescent Wenches. A few minutes after the runners started, the skaters whacked their plastic bats on the street and took off. Behind them putted Elvis impersonators on motorized scooters.

It all started last year when a friend of organizer Mickey Hanning dressed as a Spanish bull runner for Mardi Gras. Hanning thought it would be fun to get some friends together and have their wives and girlfriends chase them. Another friend's girlfriend suggested bringing in the roller girls, and a new tradition was born. This year's crowd included Russ Schlievert, who came from Montana to rebuild after hurricane Katrina and loved New Orleans so much he and his wife retired here. He will miss the annual "Running of the Sheep," an event he organized in 1989 in Reed Point, Mont., but said he was impressed with Saturday's event. "I was surprised at the turnout," he said. "I was surprised that everybody dressed up. But this is New Orleans."

Thirteen hurt on first day of Spanish bull run

PAMPLONA, Spain (Reuters) - Thirteen people were taken to hospital, one of them seriously injured, on the first day of the annual bull running festival in the northern Spanish town of Pamplona organizers said.

A 37-year-old man suffered a collapsed lung, ruptured spleen and broken ribs, while two people were concussed and 10 others were treated mainly for cuts and bruises.

The annual San Fermin festival draws tourists from around the world, many donning traditional all-white garb with a red sash around the waist and red kerchief around the neck before running through narrow, twisting cobbled streets, pursued by bulls. The chase lasts about four minutes.
It was not clear how the injuries were caused, but no one was gored out of the hundreds who took part in the early morning run. Participants often fall and are trampled by fellow-runners in the stampede.

Those admitted to hospital after Monday's run included visitors from Britain, New Zealand, Australia, South Africa and the United States, as well as other parts of Spain. One tourist meanwhile died after falling from the top of the city's high medieval walls. Police identified him as Aidan Holly, 23, from Ireland.

The festival's origins go back to the 13th century. The bull-running was made famous by Ernest Hemingway's novel "The Sun also Rises," a semi-autobiographical account of an alcohol-fuelled visit to the festival by a group of squabbling British and American friends in the 1920s.
The bulls are usually killed after the runs by bullfighters. Although still massively popular in Spain, bullfighting is attracting protests and critical articles in newspapers by some of the country's leading novelists.

Dozens of semi-naked animal rights activists held a protest in Pamplona on Saturday by lying on the ground along the course of the bull running, with imitation barbs stuck to their shoulders, mimicking those which are plunged into the bulls at the start of a fight.

Rare white Bengal tiger cubs unveiled at Saskatoon zoo

SASKATOON - Two rare, white Bengal tiger cubs are the latest attraction at the Saskatoon zoo.
Staff named the baby tigers Jasmine and Jafar after they were born on May 31. Their mother, Rani, was unable to nurse the pair, so zookeepers have taken over feeding and caring for the tiny cats.


They are now on display in the Children's Zoo section of the Saskatoon Forestry Farm Park and Zoo. Zoo manager John Moran said Monday the cubs are fed a mixture of kittens' milk and hamburger every three hours. The amount of solid food in their diet increases every two days and will also include chicken and fish. So far, Moran has scratches on his hands from feeding the growling, clawing cubs milk through a baby bottle.


"They're very aggressive," said Moran. "They're wild animals, and you've got to respect them."
Their mother and father are on a breeding loan from a zoo north of Toronto, where the babies will have to return in the fall.

Divine Inspiration

This guy is actually running on water - I guess it takes the right inspiration

Joey Chestnut wins the annual New York hot dog contest

NEW YORK - Joey Chestnut has reclaimed the top spot as winner of the annual hot dog eating contest in Coney Island after first tying with arch rival Takeru Kobayashi in a 10-minute chow-down and then beating him in a five-dog eat-off. The men tied at 59 frankfurters in 10 minutes, before being made to gobble another five dogs in a last-minute tiebreaker. Kobayashi had hoped to reclaim the throne after suffering a disappointing loss last year. He had reigned for six years. Thousands gathered at Coney Island on the Fourth of July to watch the glutinous gladiators compete in the annual event. Chestnut emerged victorious, beating 20 others who had only 10 minutes to chow down as many hot dogs as possible, two minutes less than in previous years.

Vatican stops fake priest from taking confession

A man posing as a priest was prevented from taking confessions in St Peter's Basilica, Vatican judge Gianluigi Marrone said in an interview published on Saturday. "He was caught in the basilica when he was trying to take up position in a confessional," Marrone told the Vatican newspaper Osservatore Romano, saying the incident occurred "some time ago." "He was wearing a priest's uniform, but our personnel's expert eye didn't take long to perceive some strange behaviour," said Marrone, the sole judge of the Vatican City state. The man's papers appeared in order, but he "wasn't convincing," Marrone said, adding that "a crosscheck with the Italian authorities" revealed that he had attempted the same ruse in Italy.

Pringles - only 42% Potato ?

UK court rules Pringles are potato-light, tax-free and not a potato snack

LONDON - Britain's High Court has ruled that Pringles are not a potato snack, and thus are not subject to value-added tax. The ruling by Justice Nicholas Warren is expected to save millions for the manufacturer, Procter and Gamble Co. Warren overruled a VAT Tribunal decision that Pringles should be subject to the 17.5-per cent tax because it met the definition of "potato crisps, potato sticks, potato puffs and similar products made from the potato, or from potato flour, or from potato starch." The judge found that Pringles were only 42 per cent potato, and thus exempt.

Arrest made after FedEx sends drug to the wrong place

BALTIMORE - FedEx prides itself on reliability. But a mistaken delivery tipped off police to a 90-kilogram shipment of marijuana that someone tried to send from Pembroke Pines, Florida, to Baltimore via the shipping company. Police tell The (Baltimore) Sun they learned about the shipment when it was delivered to the wrong resident. Authorities posed as FedEx employees and arrested the shipment's intended recipient, 30-year-old Richard Gwatidzo. Officials say he was charged with possession of a large quantity of a controlled dangerous substance with intent to distribute along with other drug related charges. Police also seized eight other FedEx boxes with nearly 180 kilograms of the drug. Authorities are trying to determine the sender's identity.

Dumb Ass Hall Of Fame #7

Man sells stolen items near home that was robbed

OCALA, Fla. (AP) - Police say an Ocala man was selling stolen property at a yard sale in the same neighborhood as the home he robbed. Fred and Betty McAteers, who live in Ocklawaha, arrived at a home they own in Ocala on Monday to find that it had been burglarized. They returned Tuesday and walked around the neighborhood to see if anyone knew anything about the theft. During their walk, they saw their dresser sitting on the front lawn of an apartment building. They called the police, who charged a 22-year-old man with residential burglary and dealing in stolen property. He was being held on a $4,000 bond.

Bad Logic - Woman accused of stealing cat to get back her dog

GREENACRES, Fla. (AP) - Police say a South Florida woman stole a couple's cat to get them to return her dog. Linda Urioste's black Labrador was recently picked up by animal control officers and later adopted by Jutta Hollar and her husband. Hollar learned a couple of weeks later that Urioste had been to the shelter looking for the dog. Hollar says she had considered returning the animal until she met Urioste, who yelled and threatened to sue. A few days later, the couple realized their cat was missing. Police say Urioste left a phone message with the Hollars saying that she had their cat and was willing to trade it for the dog. Police charged Urioste on Saturday with theft and extortion. She was released from jail on a $6,000 bond. A telephone number listed in Urioste's name could not be found, and it was unclear is she has an attorney.

More than 2,000 guitarists appear to set record

CONCORD, Calif. (AP) - More than 2,000 guitar-players performing "This Land is Your Land" in a Bay Area park appear to have strummed their way into the record books. Led by 1960s folk singer Country Joe McDonald, 2,052 electric and acoustic guitar pickers played the Woody Guthrie classic at Todos Santos Park in Concord on Tuesday night. McDonald kept the racket going for more than six minutes, as children and adults repeated the song's chorus. Organizers believe the rendition was good enough to beat the Guinness World Record for guitar-ensemble playing. The previous mark was set in Germany in 2007, when 1,802 people played "Smoke on the Water." The record is not official until Guiness verifies it, which could take about a month.

Discrimination - 8 Yr. Old's B-Day Party, PLEASE

Swedish school confiscates boy's party invitations

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - A school has confiscated an 8-year-old boy's birthday party invitations after they were handed out during class because it said it had a duty to ensure against discrimination. The boy handed out invitations to classmates at his school in Lund, southern Sweden, but did not invite two boys because they were not his friends, the Sydsvenskan newspaper reported earlier this week. The school, 360 miles south of Stockholm, confiscated all the invitations, saying it objected because it had a duty to ensure against discrimination. The report on Friday did not name the boy or his family. It said the boy's father has filed a complaint with the parliamentary ombudsman. The father told the newspaper that the two classmates were not invited because one had bullied his son and the other had not invited his son to the classmate's birthday party. "My son has taken it very hard," the father told Sydsvenskan of the school's decision. "It's like taking someone's mail." The parliamentary ombudsman has asked the school board to decide on the issue before Sept. 8

Hall, Statler Brothers join country Hall of Fame

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - Tom T. Hall and the Statler Brothers were formally inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame with a musical tribute. Spokeswoman Tina Wright says the two-hour ceremony was held Sunday at the hall. This year's two other inductees—Emmylou Harris and Ernest "Pop" Stoneman—were formally inducted in April. Bobby Bare, Heather Berry & Tony Mabe and Michelle Nixon saluted Hall, while Reba McEntire, Daily & Vincent and Grandstaff honored the Statler Brothers. Vince Gill, Amy Grant and the Jordanaires performed the traditional opening hymn. Television and radio personality Ralph Emery presented Hall with his medal. Brenda Lee did the same for the Statler Brothers.

"Obama Clarifies Position..."

Is that becoming a familiar headline, or what? I hope someone is compiling them all. Today, it was the Supreme Court's gun decision: "Obama clarifies position on D.C. gun ban":
Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama Thursday sought to clarify his position on a Supreme Court ruling striking down a Washington gun ban.

When asked about his reaction, Obama disputed the one outlined earlier by his campaign, ABC News reported. When a reporter noted in November that the District's handgun law was constitutional, Obama distanced himself from the campaign, the network reported.

"I don't know what my aide said but I've been very consistent, I teach constitutional law," Obama said. "What I said was that I believe Second Amendment as being an individual right and have said that consistently. I also think that individual right is constrained by the rights of the community to maintain issues with public safety. I don't think those two principles are contradictory and in fact what I've been saying consistently is what the Supreme Court essentially said today."

Which is a ludicrous claim, even by Obama's standards. Here's an idea, though: maybe as part of this year's campaign, we could have a debate between Obama and his campaign staff.

Oregon lawn-chair pilot plans 300-mile flight

GRANTS PASS, Ore. (AP) - Like many Americans, Kent Couch plans to settle into a lawn chair during the Fourth of July weekend. Unlike everyone else, his feet will dangle high above the lawn.

Couch is set to launch himself skyward on Saturday aboard his lawn chair, which will be attached to 150 giant latex party balloons filled with helium. His goal: to fly more than 300 miles from his gas station in central Oregon to somewhere in Idaho, preferably Boise. It will be his third attempt to fly by the seat of his pants to Idaho—he doesn't wear a seat belt. "The first time, nobody wanted to be involved at all," Couch told The Associated Press in a phone interview Wednesday. "They were thinking I was a lunatic, I mean a balloon-atic. My friends shunned me. But this time it's different. " He now has a corporate sponsor, a team of volunteers and his wife Susan's blessing.

Couch, 48, was inspired to go up, up and away by the 1982 lawn-chair flight over Los Angeles by truck driver Larry Walters, whose adventure brought him a measure of fame, but also a $1,500 fine for violating air traffic rules. Couch made his first ascent in 2006, floating for six hours before shooting out a few balloons with his pellet gun to descend. He apparently shot out too many balloons because he had to use his parachute to land. He never found the lawn chair.
Last year, he flew 193 miles before running low on helium and landing in a patch of sagebrush. A gust of wind blew away that chair. It was found in May by a ranchers checking the fence line on their eastern Oregon property.

Cluster ballooning is inherently risky, but the ride is generally carefree, he said.
"When you're up there, there's not much stress," he said. "There's a little stress on the way down. A few navigational issues you've got to deal with. But there's nothing, really, I can do but enjoy it." With corporate sponsorship this year, he says he's much better equipped and hopes to cross the Wallowa Mountains in northeastern Oregon and make it to Idaho and beyond. He figures the rig costs about $6,000, mostly for helium.

The balloons are tied to a framework attached to a reclining lawn chair. He is using 15-gallon barrels as a water ballast, which he can drain to gain altitude. "If I get up around 15,000 feet, I'll pop a couple balloons," Couch said. "If I get too low, I'll release some water. All the way you go it's like a seesaw, up and down, up and down. You can't feel yourself going up and down. You have to look at the altimeter." Couch will have a finger clip to monitor the oxygen level in his blood and a tank of oxygen should he venture too high. He'll have a GPS tracking device attached to his chair and another in his pocket, allowing his location to be monitored on his Web site.
He'll bring duct tape and zip ties for emergency repairs, extra clothes and a blanket to ward off the cold at higher altitudes. He'll munch on beef jerky, boiled eggs and chocolate. "You don't want to eat much," he said. "There's no bathrooms up there on that chair." If all goes well this year, the lawn-chair pilot says he'd like to fly across the English Channel and even Australia.
"I don't mind them thinking I'm nuts," Couch said. "I've done my research and I feel plenty confident."

Second Thoughts About Socialism

Claude Castonguay is the father of socialized medicine in Canada. In the 1960s, he chaired a Quebec commission whose recommendation of a government-run health care system for that province was adopted, and quickly spread to the rest of the country. Now, after forty years of experience with socialized medicine, Castonguay has changed his mind:

Four decades later, as the chairman of a government committee reviewing Quebec health care this year, Castonguay concluded that the system is in "crisis." "We thought we could resolve the system's problems by rationing services or injecting massive amounts of new money into it," says Castonguay. But now he prescribes a radical overhaul: "We are proposing to give a greater role to the private sector so that people can exercise freedom of choice."

A novel idea! When the first countries adopted socialized medicine, it was a mistake. For the U.S. to do it now, in the face of disastrous experience wherever it has been tried, would be a crime.

Dumb Ass Hall of Fame #6

A Colombian thief surprised by a home owner's return hid inside a closet and fell fast asleep until he was discovered and arrested on Sunday, police in the port city of Barranquilla said.
The 24-year-old delinquent bored his way through a wall to get inside the house in the predawn hours Sunday, and Police Chief Oscar Gamboa surmised the physical effort and the late hour likely contributed to the thief's exhaustion. "It looks like he was overwhelmed by sleep," Gamboa said, adding that when the owner of the house in the morning discovered the robbery and checked around the house to see what was missing, he found the burglar sleeping with his booty in a closet. Gamboa said the owner, while waiting for police to show up, had to protect the thief from a neighborhood lynching party.

BEWARE OF STIMULUS CHECK OFFERS

Whenever mom gave you money as a child, she probably issued this simple, sage advice: "Don't spend it all in one place." Now that government stimulus checks are arriving in mailboxes around the country, major retailers are trying to rewrite mom's advice. You should stick with mom.

Many stores are making an offer that sounds pretty good -- turn your government refund into a gift card at our store and we'll add 10 percent to the balance. For example, take a $300 check into any Sears and you can walk out with a $330 Sears gift card. Meanwhile, Wal-Mart is offering free Visa-branded bank cards -- which can be used anywhere -- to consumers who load them with stimulus checks, waiving an $8.94 "card-issuance fee." Other fees, however, remain in force, so giving all your money to Wal-Mart is a bad idea, too.

With all these stimulus checks floating around the country -- $110 billion worth -- it should come as no surprise that retailers have concocted creative ways to get their hands on them. While electronic deposit payments arrived in May, paper checks will continue to be issued through July. Many of these 10 percent offers require presentation of the paper refund check.
But the usual advice about gift cards applies here: Cash is almost always better.

Getting the 10 percent bump in gift card value might seem attractive, but you can bet the retailer who gets your money will come out ahead. In fact, that 10 percent is carefully calculated: researcher RK Hammer says 10 percent of all gift card value goes unspent. Meanwhile, last year, Consumer Reports said that 27 percent of consumers have an unused gift card lying around somewhere in a sock drawer. So don’t mistake the offer as generosity. And in the meantime, you’ve ignored mom!

"The big drawback is you have to use all that stimulus money at that retailer," said Michelle Jun, a staff attorney at Consumers Union. "And you may end up leaving a balance on your card."
There are other drawbacks, too. People who do use gift cards tend to spend more than the value of the card when they shop -- something that's called "lift" in the retail industry. Consumers generally overspend by 30 to 60 percent, said Tina Henson, CEO of Plastic Jungle, a gift card exchange site. In other words, retailers win either way.

But there is another way you can lose, and lose big: If the retailer who gets your stimulus money declares bankruptcy. To a bankruptcy court, a gift card is an unsecured debt; that means the plastic can become worthless overnight. This rather stunning fate happened recently to consumers holding Sharper Image cards, and last year, to those holding Bombay cards. The story of Sharper Image cards is quite tortured. After initially declaring the cards unusable, a bankruptcy judge later allowed the store to accept the cards under this crazy condition: Consumers would have to buy something worth at least twice the value of the card in order to use it.

The bottom line is this: Consumers who hold gift cards are running more risk than they realize.
There is an exception to this otherwise party-pooper advice on stimulus checks and gift cards. If you already plan to buy one big-ticket item at a store making such an offer, it does make sense to use a stimulus check offer as an instant 10 percent coupon. But to be safe, get the gift card and turn around and buy what you want the same day. That way, you won't forget about it, lose it or risk a surprise bankruptcy.

Meanwhile, anyone who is tempted to give a stimulus check to Wal-Mart and get a bank card in return should really find another way to cash the check. The cardholder agreement for the Wal-Mart MoneyCard lists 13 different fees. Stimulus check users are exempt from only one. They'll still have to pay a $4.94 "monthly maintenance fee," a $1.95 ATM transaction fee, 75 cents to check their balance at an ATM and $2 to call an operator and ask for help. Letting Wal-Mart nickel and dime you isn’t going to help stimulate the economy! Just keep the cash. It'll be much easier to follow mom's advice that way.

Mich. woman gets back ring she lost in lake in '54

LUDINGTON, Mich. (AP) - A woman who lost her class ring in Lake Michigan in 1954 has it back, thanks to a metal-detector hobbyist. Robert Savage told the Ludington Daily News for a story Saturday that he found the ring about 12 years ago but only recently began looking for its owner. He did a bit of detective work by looking at the initials and the year on the ring. He found a Ludington High yearbook for 1955 and found that Jan Pedersen was the only person in the class with the right initials. Now Jan Zacharda, she says she had forgotten about the ring she lost at Ludington State Park. And she's even more puzzled that Savage found it in a lake about a dozen miles away.

Arrested Development

Jason Bateman dished yesterday on the status of the nearly-confirmed Arrested Development movie, bringing equal parts hope and despair: "We all want to do it. All the actors want to do it, the writers want to do it, and the boss wants to do it. And they are working on making a deal, probably as we speak. But it's a long, sort of drawn-out, complicated business process. 'Arrested Development' is such a specific tone, it doesn't lend itself to mass appeal, as played out by the fact that it's canceled. So it has to be done for a price [...] So they have to shoot it for a small price, and we have to figure out if we can do it for that price. They're working it out, and hopefully we'll be able to know something in the next month."

'kiss my ass'

Bill Clinton says Barack Obama must 'kiss my ass' for his support

Mr Obama is expected to speak to Mr Clinton for the first time since he won the nomination in the next few days, but campaign insiders say that the former president's future campaign role is a "sticking point" in peace talks with Mrs Clinton's aides. The Telegraph has learned that the former president's rage is still so great that even loyal allies are shocked by his patronising attitude to Mr Obama, and believe that he risks damaging his own reputation by his intransigence. A senior Democrat who worked for Mr Clinton has revealed that he recently told friends Mr Obama could "kiss my ass" in return for his support.

A second source said that the former president has kept his distance because he still does not believe Mr Obama can win the election. Mr Clinton last week issued a tepid statement, through a spokesman, in which he said he "is obviously committed to doing whatever he can and is asked to do to ensure Senator Obama is the next president of the United States ". Mr Obama was more effusive at his unity event with Mrs Clinton on Friday, speaking fondly of the absent former president, who attended Nelson Mandela's birthday celebrations in London instead. The candidate told the crowd: "I know how much we need both Bill and Hillary Clinton as a party. They have done so much great work. We need them badly." But his aides said he has so far concentrated on cementing relations with Mrs Clinton first. They say they are content to let relations with Mr Clinton thaw gradually.

It has long been known that Mr Clinton is angry at the way his own reputation was tarnished during the primary battle when several of his comments were interpreted as racist. But his lingering fury has shocked his friends. The Democrat told the Telegraph: "He's been angry for a while. But everyone thought he would get over it. He hasn't. I've spoken to a couple of people who he's been in contact with and he is mad as hell. "He's saying he's not going to reach out, that Obama has to come to him. One person told me that Bill said Obama would have to quote kiss my ass close quote, if he wants his support. "You can't talk like that about Obama - he's the nominee of your party, not some house boy you can order around. "Hillary's just getting on with it and so should Bill." Another Democrat said that despite polls showing Mr Obama with a healthy lead over Republican John McCain, Mr Clinton doesn't think he can win. The party strategist, who was allied to one of the early rivals to Mr Obama and the former First Lady, said Mr Clinton was "very unhopeful" about the nominee's prospects in November.

"Bill Clinton knows the party will unite behind Obama, but he is telling people he doesn't believe Obama can win round voting groups, especially working-class whites, in the swing states," the strategist said. "He just doesn't think Obama will be able to connect with the voters he needs."
Joe Klein, the author of Primary Colours, a fictionalised account of Mr Clinton's 1992 election, who has known the former president for 20 years, said he also heard that he was "very, very bitter", from people who have spoken with him. "It's time for him to get over it or go off and do his charitable work. He knows the rules of the road. What's going on now is kind of strange. I think his behaviour is really, really shocking."

Supreme Court Strikes Down DC Handgun Ban

In a historic ruling the Supreme Court voted that the Second Amendment enshrines the constitutional right of an individual to own and keep a loaded handgun at home for purposes of self-defense. The 5-4 decision to overturn the 32-year old ban on handguns in the nation’s capital is the court’s most significant ruling on the Second Amendment since 1939.

What Was The Point

BERLIN (AP) - A German man doused his BMW with gasoline and torched it on Friday in protest at skyrocketing fuel costs, police said. The unemployed 30-year-old man drove the black 1995 BMW 3-series sedan onto the lawn outside Frankfurt's convention center grounds at about 7:30 a.m., police spokesman Karlheinz Wagner said. He then jumped out, emptied a canister of gas over the vehicle, and set fire to it, Wagner said. By the time the fire department got to the scene, the car was entirely burned out. The Bavarian man, whose name was being withheld because he has not been charged with a crime, told police that gas prices were so high he could no longer afford to drive the vehicle. As in many countries, gasoline prices have risen steadily in Germany; a liter of regular gasoline now costs about euro1.55, or $9.40 per gallon. Police were investigating whether the man could be charged with violating German environmental laws with the stunt, Wagner said. Penalties range from fines to five years in prison.

NBC offers wide online access for Beijing Olympics

NEW YORK - NBC is making more than 2,200 hours of live competition from Beijing available online, giving Olympic junkies more action than they could ever devour in a day.

After barely tipping its toe in the digital world during past Olympics, the network will dive into the deep end: live blogging, 3,000 hours of highlights on demand, daily recaps and analysis and even fantasy league gaming. That's in addition to the 1,400 hours of coverage planned on six television networks, more than the combined total of every previous Summer Olympics.
NBC's digital plans, however, have angered media outlets that worry the company is being heavy-handed in enforcing its rights to exclusive Olympic access.

The network launched NBCOlympics.com in 2000, but then it offered only still pictures and schedule information to drive viewers to its television coverage. A limited package of highlights from Athens was available in 2004, but those visiting the NBC site were required to enter a credit card number, even though they weren't charged, and that drove away traffic.
NBC quietly experimented by beaming live over the Internet the hockey gold-medal game from the 2006 Turin Winter Olympics. The change in scope to what it is offering this year is staggering.

"We're excited about what we are putting into the fingertips of the Olympics fan," said Gary Zenkel, president of NBC Olympics. "We think it will generate a tremendous amount of engagement. We think it will generate more television viewership."

That's the danger for a TV network that offers so much online content: that people will turn off the TV in favor of the computer. Zenkel said there was worry in the past as NBC increased the level of events available on television that saturation would drive down viewership, but it turned out not to be the case.

The Associated Press has an agreement with NBC to distribute video links to the network's content online. The computer coverage will also play a clear secondary role to TV. No events that are scheduled to be televised will be available online until after they are seen on TV, said Perkins Miller, senior vice president for digital media at NBC Sports. The Web site will offer a full TV viewers' guide, track medal standings and give real-time results. It will have bios of more than 10,000 athletes, NBC said.

"It's not that we aren't nervous," Zenkel said. "It's not that we haven't taken an enormous amount on. But we're up to it and we're going to perform as we always have in the past."
There's been some brewing tension about the rights of other media organizations to cover the event; NBC paid $3.5 billion to the International Olympics Committee to televise the five Olympics through Beijing. Other TV networks have a limited window in which to show Olympics highlights, but no video of Olympic events is permitted to be shown on any Web site besides

NBC has allowed video of Olympic trials events to be shown on other Web sites, but each site is required to link to NBCOlympics.com. All of that video must come down Aug. 7, the day before the Beijing Games start. That's going to limit the ability of Swimming World magazine, which has a heavy online component, to offer material to its users, said Brent Rutemiller, the magazine's publisher. He's also upset that limits have been placed on where other organizations can interview athletes, and that they were extended to coaches and officials. Zenkel said NBC was being fair to other organizations.

"NBC is the organization that paid a very significant rights fee for the exclusive rights to the Olympics and for that, the exclusivity will be protected," he said. "But it's not to the detriment of the Olympics fan. In fact, it's to their benefit."

Fla. man claims tea caused him to fail drug test

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) - A spot of tea landed a South Florida man in a spot of trouble with state prosecutors. Jerome Klein is now free while he awaits trial on a burglary charge. Authorities jailed him in April for violating bond after failing a drug test. Prosecutors didn't believe Klein's claim that a Bolivian herbal tea his mother served him had caused him to test positive for using cocaine. The tea, called Mate de Coca, is made from the coca plant. Klein has no criminal history aside from the burglary allegations and has never been arrested on drug charges. Circuit Judge John Murphy III freed Klein from the Broward County jail Friday.
Klein's mother says she gave her 50-year-old son the tea because he wasn't feeling well. She says she won't use the tea anymore.

The Shack

A kidnapped daugher is presumed dead. Her father is overwhelmed with grief and anger. Whan a letter, apparently from God, invites him to the scene of the crime, Mack can't help but go and what he find there changes him forever. For a preview visit www.theshackbook.com

Teen decapitated at theme park, police say

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- A teenager died Saturday when he was decapitated at the Six Flags Over Georgia theme park outside Atlanta, authorities said. The 17-year-old park visitor was killed after scaling two 6-foot fences around the Batman roller coaster, said a statement issued by park spokeswoman Hela Sheth. He was struck by the coaster and killed, she said. "We do not know why this person was intent on gaining access to this restricted area," the statement said, noting that multiple signs are posted stating, "Danger Zone," "Do Not Enter" and "Authorized Personnel Only." "Some witnesses have stated that the individual was trying to retrieve something he had lost," Sheth's statement said. "Others reported that he was trying to touch the ride. This is merely speculation at this point, and we are working with park visitors and local police to learn more." No one on the ride was injured, she said. Police said the incident occurred about 2 p.m. The victim's family was at the park with him, Sheth said, and park representatives were with them Saturday evening. "Our thoughts and prayers are with the family," she said.